Imprinting? Isn't that What Ducks Do?
by little miss randomosity
Summary: Her agenda is: one, figure out how Embry Call could possibly score higher than her in Chem., two, determine whether or not so-called La Push gang is on steroids, and three, present theories on why imprinting means Embry is part-duck. Simple, right?
1. Prologue

**A/N:** Hello everybody! I got the idea for this story while on the way to school and thinking obsessively of my grades. So, somehow it turned into my first Twilight fic. Huh. The mind works in weird ways. ;D

This takes place in New Moon, before Embry phases. But he's already showing the signs of becoming a werewolf. Gosh, I find this fun to write for some reason.

I don't own Twilight, so please don't sue? ;)

**XXX Chapter One: A Beginning Of Some Sort XXX**

I walk down the hallways of Quileuete Tribal School with a purpose driving each of my steps. My goal? Room 103 - the room our Chemistry class is held in. Today the grades for our huge Chemistry test last week have been posted in there. And in order to prove that I am, in fact, the ultimate, supreme master at Chemistry, and Embry Call _isn't_, a girl needs to know where she ranks, you know?

As I round the corner to the room, I see my best friend, Aria, standing outside the door. She looks anxious. I wonder why?

"Morning, Aria!" I chirp cheerfully. She starts like she's seen a ghost and doesn't answer me. Now that I'm closer, I can see she's trying to hide a piecer of paper taped to the door of the Chemistry room behind her. "Oh. Are those the test scores?"

"Hi, Sofia. Behind me? Oh...n-no, these aren't the...the test scores." I stare at her blankly. Over the years I've known her, I've come to know that Aria is a terrible liar. Every time she lies, she stutters and shakes. And right now, she's shaking like crazy.

"Okaay, then...what are they?"

"They're, um, statistics on..."

"Yes?" I probe, watching her closely. It's when she slumps her shoulders forward and moves away from the door that I know she's given up on trying to stall me.

Stepping forward, I scan at the paper and find my name near the bottom of the page.

_Sofia Munro: 50/50_

I got a perfect score! Woohoo! Take that, Embry, and your little precious too! ...Er, yeah. I mean, you know...'cause he got lower than me...yeah. Nevermind then. Speaking of Embry, I wonder what he got? I take a look at the paper again.

Avery...Black...Call - oh there he is!

_Embry Call: 55/50_

I blink, stunned. The hell? Fifty-five out of fifty? No, that's not right, I must've read it wrong. I rub my eyes with the back of my hands before reading it again. And again. And one more time just to make sure. My earlier feeling of elation gets replaced with disbelief.

Fifty-five out of fifty...

...

Fuck no. This can't be right. It's not possible. I must be dreaming. Yeah, that must be it, I'm dreaming.

This is more like a nightmare, really.

"Sofia, you gotta over it," Aria says from behind me. I try to ignore her as best as I can. She just doesn't understand my unrivaled awesomeness at Chemistry. "So Embry got higher than you on the test. So what?" I'm still staring at the paper. "This is why I didn't want you to see them..." She sighs, before sticking her arm out in front of me and waving her hand up and down in front of my face in a vain attempt to snap me out of my trance. "Helloo? Sofia, you there?"

"She was, but she moved out a little while ago."

Aria lets out a sigh again. "Well then tell her to come back to earth so her best friend can bring her to our English Class."

"I don't wanna go." My eyes are still glued on that score. Fifty-five out of fifty...fifty-five out of fifty...that fraction is now stuck in my head. Seriously, though - how the hell is that possible? There weren't any extra credit questions on that test. Unless...

"Holy fuck, did Embry sleep with our teacher? !" That little cockfucker _acts_ like he's a nice shy guy, but who knows what he's like on the inside! I bet he's taking advantage of his good looks to get good grades. Now everything makes sense! In the aftershock of my new revelation I realize that everyone around us is now staring at me. Whoops, guess I said some of that stuff out loud. Ah well. Bringing even a _little_ discomfort to him won't hurt anybody, right?

Behind me, a person clears their throat rather loudly. I turn around to see a familiar face. "Oh. Hey, Embry," I say, attempting a casual tone, while on the inside formulating a scheme to get a certain someone's true intentions found out. Hmm. I'm thinking maybe video cameras in the classrooms? Got to see if I can work that out somehow...

"Hi," he responds, flashing me a small smile. My eye twitches the slightest bit at his shy act. "I just wanted to check my score on the test. By the way, no, I didn't sleep with _Mrs_. Jones." There's a hint of something like playfulness in his dark eyes. "Married women aren't really my type."

I feel a slight flush coming to my cheeks. "But...if that's not it...then what is?" I mutter.

"Hmm. I'm not sure, considering I have next to no idea what you're talking about." I stare up at him. (Yes, up, because seriously, the guy's on his way to becoming a mini-Godzilla.) Weird, but I didn't think I spoke loud enough for him to hear me...

"Great, now he's got super-sensitive hearing, too. Life's an unfair bitch," I say under my breath.

In response, Embry chuckles. Yup, he's definetely got the ears of a dog. Huh. Doggy Embry. That's a funny mental image.

"I'd love to hear you ramble on for the rest of the day, Sofia, but I have to get to class soon," he says, snapping me out of the picture in my head. He puts one hand on my shoulder to slightly push me away from blocking the schedule. I jerk like I've been branded with an iron.

"Damn Embry, you're fucking hot!"

He finds his score before turning to answer me. "Why, thank you," he says, yet he still removes his hand and lets it hang at his side.

I blink stupidly. A few seconds later, I realize what I just said, and my mouth forms a small 'o.' "Ohh. Well, uh, you are, so...I'm not gonna take it back. But I still don't like you for scoring higher than me in Chemistry," I add, remembering my previous dislike for him.

Embry smiles. Is it just me or does he look a bit...sad? Apparently, my face must show that I noticed his slightly depressed state, because now he's grinning. "Hey, it's not my fault I was born a Chemistry whiz, is it?"

"No, it is," I respond bluntly.

Before he can counter, the bell for third period sounds, and students all around us are moving in all directions, some trying to get their classes early, others getting books from their lockers, and some trying to slip out through the front doors to ditch. Lazy-ass bums.

I feel someone tugging at my sleeve, and soon I'm being dragged away from Embry, towards my English Class. He waves me a small good-bye, and I stick my tongue out at him in return. One of his friends - I think he's Jacob Black? - drags him away, too.

The person dragging me speaks up. "My god, Sofia, I can't believe one minute you're cussing Embry out using all the words in your colorful little language, and the next, you're flirting with the guy." Hey, it's Aria! But wait - what did she just say about me and Embry?

My eyebrows furrow together in confusion. "Flirting? Dude, I think you need to lay off the romance novels. Really. I'm just...scoping out the competition."

She snorts. I'm briefly reminded of a pig. "Uh-huh. Sure you are, hun." We're now in the classroom. She finds seats for us and we sit in our desks gladly.

I frown at the sarcasm she had used. But what I said is true! There's no way I could ever... _like_ Embry in that way! I barely even like him as a Chemistry classmate! The only way I could ever like him would be if he finally admitted I was the ultimate, supreme master at Chemistry. And that's never gonna happen...Right?

As if to confirm my thoughts, our English teacher's parrot, who he brought in today because his house is under renovation and no one else wants to house the poor old bird, squawks, "Right!"

I nod solemnly. See? Even parrots can be intelligent, logical creatures. I try to remember that thought as it poops on our graded English tests.

**~XXXX~**

**A/N: **In case you haven't noticed, Sofia's got a grades complex, and is very competitive, so Embry beating her in Chemistry is a big NO-NO. (On a side note, writing about her grade complex is also fun. ;D)

It's funny, but this was only supposed to be a short, 200-word prologue. Things really do change when you're writing rather than planning. Oh, and please excuse the crapiness near the ending. My brain sorta ran out of creative juices.

So, now that you're here...**REVIEW?** 'Twould very much make my day.

~**littlmissrandomosity**


	2. Men: Weird Dreams and StareDowns

**Imprinting? Isn't That What Ducks Do?**

_Twilight © Stephenie Meyer_

_Original Plot & Characters ©_ _little miss randomosity_

Chapter Two: Men: Known to Cause Weird Dreams and Have Stare-Downs

My dreams are filled with 55/50 fractions chasing me through the school with Embry in their lead, cackling maniacally[1]. I wake up several times during the night and by the time morning comes around, my eye bags feel like they have eye bags, and I don't think my constant yawning will ever stop.

"Never getting caffeine before bed ever again," I mutter darkly, blearily blinking my brown eyes and running a hand through my equally-as-brown hair while surveying my room. Small streams of light are pouring through the blinds on the windowsill near my bed, and I pause in my ministrations, whipping my head around to stare at the alarm clock on my bedside table.

_7:30 A.M._

Huh, whaddya know. It's a good thing school doesn't start until 7:00, or else I'd have-

...Wait.

_What?_!

The next few minutes probably look like something out of a cartoon: Springing off my bed, I run towards my closet, randomly pulling out a pair of jeans and a shirt before wiggling out of my pajamas and throwing them into a dirty heap of clothes on the floor. Pulling on my new clothes, I hop over to my bed, fixing the thing, and then hop on over to the bedside table, glaring at the alarm clock innocently displaying that the time is five minutes past seven-thirty. I frown before picking up the small machine and turning it over in my hands.

"Weren't you supposed to wake me up early today...?" As if answering my question, the clock in my hands begins to vibrate, and then-

BEEPBEEPBEEP! BEEPBEEPBEEP! BEEPBEEP-

"AGH!" Surprised, my hands release their hold on the clock, covering my ears instead. I get one, fleeting glimpse of it-suspended in the air, almost in slow-motion, yet at the same time, diving to the ground at a fast speed-before it lands and breaks, cracking into pieces and stopping the stupid beeping noise.

_Here lies Sofia's clock number #2, a good friend, a terrible wake-me-up, and a really, really ugly mess on the floor._

Making a mental note to clean the mess up later, I slip on a pair of shoes, sling a backpack onto one shoulder, and hurry downstairs to the kitchen, almost tripping twice in my haste to get there.

"Morning, Sofia," my dad says to me as I pass him on the stairs. I call a hasty 'morning' over my shoulder and he chuckles.

When I reach the kitchen, I power-walk to the counter to grab an apple, and turn around, muffling a shriek when I see my mom standing there. Honestly, I'm starting to think all moms attend a school for ninjas before they become moms; where else would they learn to sneak up on people like that?

…

Well, besides a school for potential-rapists.

"M-mom. Er, hi?"

"Sofia Munro, why in God's name are you in such a hurry this morning?" she demands, jutting out her hip before placing a hand on it, a disapproving look on her face.

"Sorry Mom, late for school, can't talk right now-"

"_Late? _What are you talking about? It's only 6:40!"

I stare blankly. "What?"

She sighs. "I said its still 6:40. Did your dad accidently adjust your clock an hour ahead? I _told_ him Daylight Savings Time wasn't over yet, and that he should set all the clocks in the house back an hour, but I don't think he got to yours yet—honestly, that father of yours, Sofia, I swear he can be so scatterbrained sometimes—"

"So, wait," I interrupt, grasping at strings, "I'm…_not_ going to school yet?"

"No, and not for awhile you're not."

She sighs heavily again, this time placing a hand on my shoulder. Her next words are spoken in a serious yet gentle tone. "Look Sofia, I know how you care a lot about school and I just wanted to let you know that your father and I are very proud of you. And, well, I just wanted to tell you this because I'm a little worried about you overworking yourself—I mean, if this is about your sister—"

I stiffen. "No, it's not." We can both tell I'm lying, but we let it slide anyway, because acknowledging my lies would mean that we'd have to talk about it, and that's something neither of us wants to do.

She nods sadly, and that my insides squirm a little from guilt.

"…Sofia?"

"Yeah?"

"Your zipper's down. Go zip your pants up dear; I can see your yellow polka-dotted panties from here."

"…Right."

* * *

><p>After that super heart-felt chat between my mom and me, which, as you can guess, ended with me turning around to awkwardly pull my pant's zipper up, I decided that as long as I'd gotten ready early I might as well head to school early instead.<p>

So now, with Aria by my side, we walk to La Push Tribal School, enjoying the lovely (and unnaturally sunny) weather outside in silence.

"Aria, I swear I have to find out how the hell Embry keeps beating me!" Well, in almost silence.

Aria giggles. "I thought your crazy dream got you over this by now."

I gape at her in false surprise. "_Over it? _Why, my dear Aria, if anything that crazy dream just motivated me to create an even crazier dream with me beating Embry and forcing him to admit that I am in fact the ultimate Chemistry genius to ever walk the face of the universe!" [2]

She laughs even harder. "W-what? That doesn't make sense at all! Honestly Sofia, you get the weirdest ideas sometimes, I don't even know where to start! How about—"

But I never got to hear what Aria had to say about my weird ideas because next thing I know I walk smack-dab into someone's back, the force of which causing me to fall on my ass on the pavement. The guy I'd run into turns out to see who I am before rolling his eyes and muttering a 'watch where you're going,' and turns his attention back to something in front of him, not even bothering to help me up.

"Watch where _you're_ going." Not one of my best comebacks, I know, but my butt's too sore for me to care right now. I turn to Aria, ready to tell her what a jerk this guy is, but find myself once again pausing at her expression.

Just like the one she had on yesterday, before I found out my grades, her expression speaks of apprehension and anxiety, yet, unlike the previous one, this one also shows fear, and a lot of it too. Puzzled, I get to my feet, surveying the crowd around us I hadn't noticed before. Just a couple of feet in front of us stands the school. Its entrance is blocked off by the masses of students crowding around there. I squeeze my way through to as close to the front of the crowd as I can get, and what I see manages to surprise me more than losing to Embry.

And believe me, that's saying something.

Five people stand on the entrance steps to the school, two on one side and three on the other. Two of them I can recognize as Paul Lahote and Jared Cameron, two people who are very unfamiliar to me yet who I know from being in a few classes together. The other three I can recognize even more easily—Embry, and his friends Jacob and Quil.

Paul and Jared stand on the right, their expressions impassive yet their postures tense, while Embry, Jacob, and Quil stand on the left, Jacob in the front, closest to Paul and Jared, with Quil and Embry behind him. The three of them are showing more emotion: anger, agitation, hostility. Out of all three, Jacob seems to be the most agitated; Quil the most hostile, with his arms crossed tightly over his broad chest; Embry the calmer one, yet his mouth set in a thin line of anger.

As I stand there watching their silent exchange of hostility, I can't help but think—just what _is_ going on here?

* * *

><p>[1] Haha, imagining Embry cackling maniacally got me giggling maniacally. …I should so not be writing this at ten o'clock at night. :D<p>

[2] I'd like to think that, after the event that took place this morning (her mom mentioning her sister) which is a subject Sofia obviously isn't comfortable with at all, she would be trying her best to forget it by acting completely…well, as Aria puts it, weird. Also, I think Sofia is being a little truthful about this, as she does want to beat Embry and have him acknowledge her as better than him (at Chemistry at least).

**Authoress' Talk:**

I am so, so, so, _so_ sorry for not updating this story in five months! A lot of things have been happening in my life lately and because of that I've been having an even harder time of managing my time. But things have cooled down a bit now, so I'll try to get this story on a regular update schedule of one chapter per week.

Aside from that, drama and unanswered questions are featured in this chapter; I'll try and get most of them answered in the next chapter. On another note, I really, really hope I didn't screw up my character's personality here! I haven't written in her POV—I haven't written at all!—for a few months now so I'm a bit rusty. …and I got lazy at the end too, so yeah... -_-"

So, since you've gotten this far…please review? ^_^


	3. Three Cheers for Odd Scenarios

**Imprinting? Isn't That What Ducks Do?**

_Twilight © Stephenie Meyer_

_Original Plot & Characters ©_ _little miss randomosity_

Chapter Three: Three Cheers for Odd Scenarios

Now, instead of going on and on and boring you with details about the exchange/stare-down/whatever-other-name-you-can-come-up-for-it, and how practically no one could hear what was going on since they were talking in hushed, 'this-is-private-foo!' voices, I'm just going to sum up what happened based on the rumors swirling around:

A RE-ENACTMENT OF LA PUSH TRIBAL SCHOOL'S FIRST (AND ONLY) FIGHT…THINGY BASED ON THE THEATER INSIDE SOFIA'S OVER-ACTIVE IMAGINATION:

JACOB: Damn it, Paul, Jared, stop trying to steal Embry away from us! He's mine, hear me? MINE_._

EMBRY: Exactly! …Wait, what?

QUIL: Yeah! Tell Sam we need him for our kinky threesomes. ;D

EMBRY: Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, guys, just wait. I don't remember anything about—

PAUL: Shut up, both of you! Like I give a shit about your weird-ass bromance. The only reason we're here is because Sam wants Embry—

QUIL: -gasps- To _molest_ him?

EMBRY: -widens eyes- T-there's no way! I hate him! I don't want anything to do with that guy, sexually or…um… O / / / O

PAUL: -facepalms- Of _course_ not, you fucking idiots.

QUIL: Then…is it you that _really_ want Embry...but you're just saying it's Sam to hide your real intentions? Oh man. Paul, Paul, Paul… –shakes head disappointedly- You should know better: Embry _definitely _isn't into hot-heads like you.

PAUL: -vibrates violently (like a cell-phone~) while making weird snarling noise-

JARED: OH SHIT. Bai bai, now –grabs Paul under armpits and drags him away-

THE END

…Okay, I'll admit this is probably not _exactly _what happened, but honestly, how else am I supposed to make sense of things with all these 'what if's'?

…Plus, judging what I _can_ understand from the exchange, it sounds really boring, so aren't you glad you have my version of things to read instead?

Yeah, don't answer that.

But I digress.

What I've _really_ wanted to say this whole time is: I have a plan. A plan for what, you might ask? Why, invisible audience members, knowing me and my personality, it should be obvious by now—but, just in case you're one of those people who's skipped the past two chapters or so of my life, I'll tell you. It is a plan to figure out how Embry Call (Chemistry extraordinaire and my self-proclaimed rival) could possibly obtain the nonsensical score of 55/50 on our last Chemistry test, scoring a good five points higher than my perfect score of 50/50. It is a plan that utilizes my new-found information on him and his, er, _friend_ Quil Atarea.

"Kufufufu, my plan is fool-proof!"

"Umm, what was that, Sofia?"

"Ehh? Oh no, I'm just plotting, Aria, as you can see."

"…By any chance, does this plan of yours involve me?"

"Well, now that you mention it…"

* * *

><p>"Target sighted: headed towards math class—over."<p>

"…"

"_Ahem_. I said, "Target sighted: headed towards math class—over."

"…"

A deep intake of breath. Then—

"TARGET SIGHTED! I REPEAT: TARGET SIGHTED! HEADED—" A hand, clamped over my mouth, muffling my voice.

Aria sighs before removing her hand and uncovering my face. "Sofia, two things first: one, _I'm_ _standing right next to you. _Two, I am _not_ helping you stalk Quil."

"What! Why not?" I drop the walkie-talkie I was speaking into, then give my best friend what I hope to be is my best kicked-puppy look.

The result? Absolutely nothing. If possible, I think she looks even more determined to ignore me now. Dang.

So, you're probably why the heck this so-called plan of mine involves stalking Quil, right? Well, dear readers, here's something I figured out on my own not-too-recently…

Quil's got the hots for Embry.

I know—ingenious right? So obvious…yet so not obvious. To think that all those times that those two hang out, all Quil really wants is for Embry to acknowledge and accept him and maybe even return his love…it's so tragic. It was confirmed today, during the exchange, when Quil, unable to let the love of his life fall into the clutches of Sam Uley, sought to make sure that Sam's goonies were also unable to obtain Embry….

You gotta admit, the guy's a romantic.

A romantic who needs some…moral support, so to speak. Someone to help him come out of the closet and accept his feelings with open arms—and that's where I come in. With me by his side, Quil will definitely get Embry's attention; and Quil, overcome with joy and feeling eternally grateful, will most certainly divulge in me the secret of Embry's success at Chemistry…

Kufufufufu. Sometimes, the pure _genius _of my plans cracks me up. Kufufufu—

"Sofia? Sofia!" Aria's annoyed voice snaps me out of my ramblings. I stare at her for a few seconds before tilting my head to the side.

"What is it? I was having this wonderful reflection; you know, the one where I gloss over every fine detail of my ploy to use Quil and Embry's relationship as a way to find eternal appeasement."

"…_What?_"

I sigh impatiently. "Quil and Embry. Relationship-wise. Use it to find how Embry keeps beating me at Chemistry."

Aria furrows her eyebrows in confusion. "B-but…since when does Quil like Embry that way?"

"Since, like, forever! Haven't you noticed the signs? Those simple gestures that serve to go a long way?" At her questioning expression, I shake my head, disappointed. "Well then, you'll just have to see for yourself." I motion to the door of the Algebra 2 Room. "C'mon then, let's go follow Quil."

"B-but..." she starts. Realizing it's pointless, she quickly shakes her head from side to side. "Fine, but…why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like this new plan of yours anymore than the last?"

I grin cheekily at her. "Because you probably won't."

"Right."

* * *

><p><strong>Authoress' Talk:<strong>

Another short chapter filled with completely random plot points. I don't deserve all the credit though-Katekyo Hitman Reborn! and Black Butler are two stories that (somehow?) inspired this. (See if you can get the references ;))

It's at this point in this story that I've realized this is more of a crack-fic! now than I'd ever thought it would be. Hur. Somehow, I don't seem to mind that much now. ...I guess I'm getting used to the random crap my brain spews out for this story. XD

I'd like to point out that Sofia's perception of the people around her aren't exactly..._precise _(to put it nicely) and more often than not, are known to be weird (to put it bluntly). Also, keep in mind that the _rumors_ are a major influence in the scene in her head. So, in other words, Embry is not an innocent school-girl type of guy, Jacob is not his overly possessive sugar daddy, and Quil is not a pervert (well, not TOO perverted) who brags about his kinky threesomes (...with men, at least). ...Gosh, you have no idea how weird it was to write that last sentence. XD

Oh! And before I forget, I'd like to thank all the reviewers who reviewed the first two chapters, and all the ghost readers who favorited/alerted/anticipated the next chapter. I'd like to give you all cookies, but as one reviewer pointed out, these cookies might be poisonous, and would most probably kill you, preventing you from reading and/or reviewing this chapter and the subsequent chapters.

So, if I can finally get my Spanish right, I'll leave it at this:

_Hasta luego! _(And leave a review with a nice, healthy serving of criticism? :3)

~ little miss randomosity


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